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Things were going well, really well. I’d found the clarity I was searching for, I jumped back on the blog with gusto, received a lot of love and support. It all fell into place really easily.

 

I felt joy for a short space of time…..and then came the pain.

 

Three ‘pains’ really:

  • A dull pain in my shoulder that has been there for a while now, escalated into excruciating pain – in which I ended up in bed for a few days, curled up in the fetal position, slumbering in sadness and grief.
  • A headache from the overconsumption of information.
  • A stomach pain, from metaphorically stabbing myself in the solar plexus, over and over. Constant self-punishment.

 

In surrender, down on my hand and knees, I asked (begged!) for some divine intervention.

 

And was guided shortly after to look at my bookshelf. Amongst all the various sizes and colours on the shelf, one small blue spine with orange writing stood out….. The Big Leap.

 

Of course! Without even picking out the book it became glaringly obvious what I had been doing. Classic Upper Limit Problem.

 

Basically, the premise of the The Big Leap (which I highly recommend reading or listening to this recent free recording), is that we all have a ‘Zone of Genius’ in which we operate at our true potential and experience happiness and fulfilment – and the barrier to reaching this Zone of Genius is our Upper Limit Problem (ULP). 

 

Our ULP is potentially one to four of these fears or false beliefs:

  • Feeling fundamentally flawed.
  • Disloyalty and abandonment.
  • Believing that more success is a bigger burden.
  • The crime of outshining.

 

So to keep ourselves nice and safe and avoid facing these fears in our Zone of Genius, we upper limit ourselves, through: worry, criticism, blame, deflecting, squabbling, getting hurt or getting sick.

 

The author, Guy Hendricks’s twelve year old niece describes the Upper Limit Problem perfectly in the book:

 

The Big Leap

 

Yep, now clear as day, I manifested pain when things felt good and easy – all to keep me in my safety zone and avoid my Zone of Genius where I could perhaps stand out and have to face my fears.

 

I’ll admit that I have three of the four fears/false beliefs above. I’ve known about these fears for some time – but you know when something is brought to your attention and you seem to ‘get it’ more this time as opposed to the other times? This was my ‘I get it’ moment.

 

So I am now committed.

 

“I commit to living in my Zone of Genius, now and forever.”

 

I commit to overcoming my fears and following my truth.

 

The irony hasn’t escaped me that my blog is called True Shining Self, and one of my biggest fears is the crime of outshining! I dull myself down. I avoid situations where I can be in my truth because I fear I will be ridiculed. I seek externally and look at what everyone else is doing  – to fit in. All at the expense of myself.

 

No wonder I’m in physical pain. My soul is in crying out to me to get my attention. I’ve been listening but not following through on the action – all because of fear and past conditioning/programming.

 

I’m avoiding acting from my heart.

 

It’s safer in the confusion. Constantly seeking answers because it prevents me from doing the real work, the work that may cause abandonment, ridicule, judgement and criticism.

 

I love serendipitous moments, and I’ve been encountering quite a few since working with lunar intentions. My intention this lunar cycle is “I take guided action” – and what has transpired? I manifest pain in order to take me out of action, which in turn empowers me to correct this ‘inaction’ once and for all. To trust in my guidance and take action, to drop the control – despite fear!

 

How am I now taking guided action?

  • I’m dropping all other reading, research and study and immersing myself in The Big Leap. I’m contemplating doing the new The Big Leap Experience online course in May (even if you’re not interested in the course, you can listen to the free April recording which has lots of juicy Big Leap info by registering here).
    I strongly believe that once I accept the belief that things can be good, all of the time, a lot of my perceived problems and resistance will drop away.
  • I will continue to work and mediate on my lunar intention “I take guided action”. Focused intentions really do work, even though it can bring up massive discomfort. But that’s the aim of the game – using supportive energy to enable breakthrough, despite the unpleasantness.
  • And the big one, getting out of my head and into my heart. Feeling my way. (I’ll write more on this another time, I’m currently in the midst of creating a new habit. I’ll share what I’m learning once I feel a little more comfortable with the new habit – it’s very early days for this chronic ‘overthinker’!).

 

Sharing this post publicly is a commitment to myself: “Work on your Upper Limits Amy, please…..”

 

And you?

 

Do you believe that things can be good, all of the time?

 

If not, what’s your fear?

 

Are you criticising, blaming, worrying, deflecting, arguing, getting sick or are in pain?

 

Consider if you’re Upper Limiting Yourself to keep yourself safe…..

 


14th Apr 2015

I wrote the below words in my journal this morning. On reading back I realised I’d written “we” instead of my usual conversation to myself using “I“.

 

So I thought I’d share. You know, just in case you’re one of the “we“…..

 


 

 

Why do we have to read another blog post, watch another video or take another course?

 

Why do we seek for guidance from others when we know what’s best for ourselves?

What is it in us that searches so externally?

 

Why do we need to know the full picture when the next step is clear?

Why do we put off knowing what we need to action?

 

Fear.

 

Fear of what?

 

Fear of failure. Self-doubt. Fear of criticism. Not being good enough. Fear of judgement. Being made fun of. Fear of missing out. Competition. Fear of success. Of our lives changing.

But what if we were to reframe this?

 

What if, we knew exactly what we needed to do and believed we could do it?

 

What if, we dived right in rather than putting it off?

 

What if, we showed ourselves some love and self-belief?

 

What if, we failed and picked ourselves back up again? Surely we’d be stronger for it.

 

What if, we allowed our voice to speak, allowed our self-expression – and people loved it? Holding it in is only doing us harm, surely that’s more harmful than someone making a critical comment?

What if, we were to play big? To step up? To do the one thing we know we need to do?

 

What if we trusted? In ourselves. In others. In the divine plan. In life.

 

What could happen?

 

Perhaps it might not be perfect or even easy at first. But if we show up for our soul, for our truth, then things could really flow. In ease. In joy.

 

If it doesn’t flow after a while, or it’s too hard, perhaps it’s not our truth after all. But at least we’ve tried. At least we’ve given it a shot and can put it to rest and move to the thing that truly lights us up.

 

What if?

 

Why wait for ‘what if’ when we can find out NOW.

Stop filling the space with needless tasks. Stop making excuses. Stop looking on the outside and sit for a moment in silence.

 

What’s the next step?

 

There’s the clarity…..ah……

 

Make THIS the number one priority.

 

And do it……In faith. In love.

 

xx


moon

 

Have your dreams been vivid lately? And perhaps your energy really low?

 

My dreams have been extremely vivid recently and I’m waking up feeling very sluggish. I believe I’m doing a lot of ‘spiritual work’ while I’m sleeping – my energy is shifting and my body is trying to adjust. That’s why I’m waking so tired, deep healing is happening while asleep.

 

‘The Moon’ tarot card has been popping up in quite a few of my card readings.

 

The Moon represents our dreams, intuition and subconscious. Our subconscious is which is where we find our desires as well as our patterning – all playing our in our dreams.

 

Our subconscious gives us messages while asleep.

 

I’m being woken at around 1am or 2am every morning with vivid dreams, saying to myself “I’ll definitely remember that in the morning” to wake in the morning and not remember anything.

 

I know I should be recording the dreams but I’ve been so weary and tired recently the sleep has seemed more valuable (in hindsight, I can now see this as my ego holding me back).

 

Hence why ‘The Moon’ tarot card keeps popping up, because I’m obviously not listening to the message – I’m asking my guides for help, they’re giving me the message to record my dreams and I’m ignoring them for sleep.

 

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the door sill
Where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

~ Rumi

 

The Rumi poem above found me today via this video with Dr. Wayne Dyer and Esther Hicks.

 

The message couldn’t get any clearer.  The answers I seek are in my dreams. “The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep.”

 

That is, if I’m woken in the middle of the night, grab the notebook on the beside table and scribble the notes down. Read and reflect in the morning.

 

Or first thing on waking, write everything down. It’s in that moment where the veil is thiner and the voices ‘breeze’ in.

 

The secrets and messages we seek, are right there, in our dreams.

 

If you’re asking for guidance, your dreams have your answers. Are you paying attention?

 

I find the important thing with dreams is to remember how you FEEL in the dream. Or if its showing you dreams of your past, think about how you felt at that time or how the people made you feel.

 

Try it: before going to bed tonight, ask a question and record your dreams.

 

 


9th Apr 2015

Déjà vu.   I’ve been here before. Opening up, coming out.   In 2012, it was starting this blog, coming out of the closet.   Now in 2015, it’s coming out of a healing cocoon.   And I’ve got to say, I’m even more nervous now than when I first pressed publish…


8th Sep 2014

  I’m taking a break from the online world and shutting down this blog.   Why?   I need the space and focus to work out who I really am.     The before and after. From darkness to light:   The photo on the left: This was me 7…


4th Aug 2014

  Change. Sweet change.   I’m moving house……again!   It’s been less than a year in my current home and I’m now moving again. Why? Not only have I been guided to move home but my energy is changing and I feel that a change of environment is needed too….


28th Jul 2014

  Anxiety and fear. That’s the state I woke up in this morning. I have two weeks to find a new home and even though my guidance is advising me to relax and breathe, my mind is running riot with fear.   So instead of home searching or starting my…