Things have been pretty rosy around these parts from me – if you were to look in from the outside. Happy in my jobs, lots of free time to do what I want, beautiful home life, space to get to know myself. Things are pretty comfortable.
And yet there’s a piece of me that isn’t content. Somethings’s off. The voice (physical pain) is getting louder and asking me to listen to it.
I can hear this voice now because the distractions have gone – no alcohol to fog the brain, no losing myself in books to escape, no emotional eating to feel good about myself, no running to others for guidance. There’s lots of space for this voice now, and it’s demanding to be heard.
The voice is saying its time to put myself out there again. I’ve done the inner growth work, the (deep!) excavation. My divine self is waiting to come out of the cave and into the world.
Apathy. Overwhelm. Second-guessing myself. Remaining in the comfort zone which no longer feels comfortable. Keeping myself small.
Straddling ‘what was’ instead of stepping into the new.
There’s a double edged sword with awareness. I know what’s going on, so I’m aware where I’m the cause of the suffering.
I believe inner resistance is a sign of being on the right track. It’s my human self bashing up against my Divine Self, my Higher Self. Who knows what’s best for me and will not rest until the truth is revealed and expressed to the world. The stronger the resistance, the more important the thing that’s being resisted.
And there’s been a lot of resistance this past few months. Like pushing up against a brick wall. I even have photos of it! Yes, photos plural. While looking for photos to give the blog a little update, I was amazed to see several photos of me pushing up against a wall. Funny how our subconscious works…..
But how do you know if resistance is to something not being right for you versus something that is good for you?
- My understanding of it is that when something isn’t in your best interests, you’re applying effort and things aren’t flowing or working. There’s a misalignment because you’re taking a step and the energy isn’t carrying you forward. The resistance is external in that circumstances are preventing you moving forward.
- When something is right for you, chances are things aren’t flowing or working because you’re not putting in the effort. You’re resisting. There’s a knowing within you and you’re afraid of the circumstances. Fear of failure, success, disappointment. So you distract yourself, get sick, avoid it. You’re the one preventing things moving forward.
So if you’re trying to make a decision about something in your life right now and don’t know what to do – the guidance I’m receiving is to take action of some sort. Take a small step. Because if the thing isn’t right for you, you’ll come up against some external road blocks. If the thing is right for you, you’ll be supported to the next step. You may come up against some road blocks but chances are these will be internal road blocks in the form of internal resistance. Which you can work through. With compassion (that’s the important bit!).
My guiding statement right now is “move in order to be moved”. Make the move and see what happens.
Not wait for a sign, or guidance or permission to do something.
Which is why I’m here today writing on my blog again after 6 months. I don’t know for sure if this is in my higher good. But there’s something here for me to explore.
I do know for sure that there’s going to resistance. I expect it. The resistance will either be external in that there will be brick walls and road blocks that will stop me and give me a clear sign that no this isn’t the right thing to do, it’s not in my best interests now. There’s a need to course correct. Or there will be internal resistance that I need to work through because this is a path to my higher good and my human self/ego/fear will get in the way.
I need to try.
I’ve made the mistake of waiting for the clarity. It’s not coming sitting doing nothing. A lesson I needed to learn. Surrendering is not sitting waiting for a divine intervention.
The surrendering is a balance of being and doing.
* How would a book be written if a writer didn’t write?
* How would a painting be created if a painter didn’t paint?
* How would a song be sang if the singer didn’t project their voice?
Sure, they may have waited for inspiration to strike in order to create. But what if inspiration didn’t strike? Do they stop writing/painting/singing? Or do they keep going, no matter the results? Do they keep forging ahead? Do they keep moving? Do they work with the Universe in the dance of co-creation?
I’m moving – in order to be moved. To see what happens. Because sitting waiting for clarity isn’t working! The pain in my body tells me so.
My first move is writing and sharing this post. And I’m also working on giving the website a little bit of an update to reflect my current energy. Fresher photos, an About Page update, simplifying things. It’s a work in progress. I want there to be lots of space. Space for fresh inspiration. To see where the energy takes me. Now that I’ve made some moves.
I hope you discover something useful on here. If you’re resisting something, try a small move.
Photo by Renee Bell